i didn’t quite grasp just how excited i would be when madison took her first steps. i always knew it was a part of life & that she would eventually start walking around just like the rest of us, but i never understood how proud i would be of her. her first big accomplishment. & the smile on her face when she realized she was doing it on her own. i wish i could frame that smile. just freeze time in that one moment to savor it a little longer. because as exciting & as proud & giddy as we all are about it, i also just realized that means she won’t need me as much anymore. she won’t reach for me to pick her up as often, she won’t grab my fingers to guide her little steps. she will start to grow up. she is starting to grow up. already. she wants to do things on her own now, which is bittersweet. i’m torn between wanting to keep her my baby forever & wanting to watch her grow & explore the world. it’s a feeling i never thought about before i had her. i didn’t realize i would be so divided, in equal parts. there are so many new feelings in these adventures in parenthood that i just didn’t know existed. i often stumble over the words to explain it & am never as eloquent as i would like but the bare bones of the matter is, i want her to love me & need me forever. for her to cuddle me & kiss my lips & hug my shoulders & want to giggle with me everyday. i am savoring these days. these moments. everything else can wait. it can all be put on hold except this. except her. & i am so proud of her.
& i am also so grateful that she decided to take these first steps while we were in kentucky. we miss out on so much time with my family that this was really a christmas present for them. especially her grandma & grandpa & uncle todd who think she is just the cats meow. she did not go without love this weekend that is for sure. getting to have our kentucky fried christmas every year has been so wonderful. i look forward to it all year round.
& by the way, did you hear we had an engagement?!? my brother is getting married! so we had even MORE to celebrate this year. they are finally making it official. i couldn’t be happier that he is happy. ashley makes him a better man. i am happy to call her my sissy (although i feel like she has been for years) // i can’t wait for a big southern wedding & our whole family in the bridal party. madison has already started researching tutu dresses & practicing her flower tossing. it has been one heck of a great year for this family. xx