the ins & outs of marriage {after baby}

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post baby realizations day 2 – so like I harped on yesterday, having a baby is life changing. but what you don’t tend to think about is how it’s going to change your marriage. i assumed there would be late nights & that i would be tired {which we are… constantly lol}. i assumed that we would have to plan in advance for our social life, coordinating calendars & sitters & work. but what i didn’t assume & didn’t plan for is how our marriage would change. i don’t mean in a bad way either. our love has only been strengthened & in ways that only a parent i think can understand. we respect each other more. we realize the work that goes into each day & that if we aren’t partners, we’d never survive. there is instinctively now a ‘need’ in our marriage alongside the ‘want’.  & although it has made things much harder on us as husband & wife i still feel completely fulfilled & loved, in an entirely new way. seeing brian with madison is like having someone hug my heart. it is an all inclusive warmth that surrounds my body & I can’t wipe the smile away from my face. not only do i love him for who he is as a husband, but now i love him for who is as a father. he is a great father. & he gave me madison, something that i can never share with anyone else in this world. it’s like that little secret on our lips that we wouldn’t have her without each other. hard to explain i guess. but that dependence on each other & understanding really binds your hearts. i am forever grateful to him for his love, and his new found gentle spirit he shares with her. i love catching glimpses of him singing or being silly with her when he thinks i’m not in the room. it almost feels intrusive when i see them sometimes – i don’t want to interrupt their moments – i just sit back & watch & smile & feel overwhelmed with love. daddy’s girl. that is for sure. & she will always have his heart. & he will always have mine. i love you bri. more & more every single day. xx

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