back to work {week 1}

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back to work… here it comes… the waterworks. choking back tears that when I walk out the door and leave, she will be mad at me, she will not remember me, she will have more fun with someone else than me, something will happen to her and i won’t be there to save her. a million different emotions. it is very hard to drag myself out the door each morning. as i look at our baby girl usually playing & smiling, and then at her father, the love of my life, i think that my heart just might be so full it will burst. i have everything i could ever want right there in that little nyc apartment.  and when i come home each night after work it’s like my heart making its way back into my chest. it is my mission each night to make her smile. Failure is not an option. i do every silly thing i can imagine until a smile finds a way to her face and then i melt. into the carpet. into my life. and i know she knows me, and still loves me. and I just breathe. there is no other feeling like it. that recognition is the most amazing thing in the world.

this week has actually been an easier transition on me than i thought. brian worked it out so he could take his vacation this week and he has been Mr. Mom monday-friday! the first day i came home, they weren’t wearing diapers on their heads so i assumed all was well in the world! i am sure she is happy to bond with her father and vice versa although i wish i was at home with them! once we are both back at work the whole “being together as a family” is going to be rare. next week will be the real test – that will be the hardest part when brian is back working nights and i can’t be there to share the mornings with them anymore.iI know we’ve always found a way to make it work in our relationship with opposite schedules, but i am going to cherish our few days a week just the 3 of us more than ever – absence makes the heart grow fonder. so they say. ill keep you posted on how i feel about that one

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