let go and let God

on

i often times stress out about things that have yet to even happen. it’s something that i am working on {brian… i promise} but something that is very difficult for me also. i’m constantly worried about the next step, or the next day/month/year. and sometimes it’s a good thing. i keep our family in line and on track and i think that i’m a pretty decent wife and so far mother, but sometimes it can also be a detriment. it is hard to enjoy the moment for what it is. when madison was born i was on OVERDRIVE thinking about what she needed, what we needed, how we’d be prepared to give her these things, would she grow up to a be a good person, where we’d live for school districts, savings for college, who she’d marry… seriously. these all went through my head. i’m not sure if they are a signs of a good mother or an incredibly ridiculous one. but everything that she might stumble on in life crossed my mind, and i started to worry. for her. and for for myself, that i will end up in an early grave with all of this weight upon my shoulders. and then it hit me that i have had this conversation with my own mother. “mom stop worrying so much” “mom i’ll be fine” “mom i’m not a little kid anymore” etc. etc. and i started to think, well now i get it. and as much as i have memories of telling my mom to stop worrying about me, she never did. not once. she still does. she worries for my health, my happiness, my family and my faith. and that is what a good mother does. i’ve heard that “making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” and i now know this is truly the case. she is my world. and all i want is to be able to give her everything. everything isn’t shooting too high right?! lol. but i also understand that her life is out of my hands and her path is set for her already. she was born into our family for a reason, and i thank God every single day for her. and for brian. i’ve begun to live by the mantra i tell my OWN mother every time she starts to worry too much about me and that is ‘let go and let God’ – i will pray for her & i will teach her to the best of my ability about this world & about being a girl & about how to be a good person and then all i can do is pray. pray that she will follow my lead. pray that she will find the right path. pray that she will love & laugh & live a righteous life. full of everything wonderful. i love you so much baby girl. xo, your mama

good morning

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Daddy says:

    And I love you too, baby girl. You are doing fine.

  2. Mom says:

    You are an incredible loving person you will be fine. Prayer and trust in God will get you through life. I am proud of you and yes I worry about you still because I love you. Mom

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