dinner with my dad… bittersweet

in the sense that we got to catch up & as soon as we did, he had to leave. last night, most likely due to hormonal rage {which my dad reminded me is much better than hemroidal rage} i was overwhelmed with sadness when he left. i could barely see through my blurry tear stained eyes as i rode the subway home. it’s safe to say i miss my family. & i wish that they could be here to experience everything with us during this pregnancy. i realized that this was the only time my dad would get to see me pregnant, and as he left he said “i love you little girl… i guess that’s the last time i can call you little girl, you’ll be a mama next time” and well i lost it then. i was also upset that the baby didn’t move or kick. it was active all day long, per usual, but settled when we were at dinner. so now my dad will never get to feel his grandchild kick inside my belly. never get to see the way my face lights up when it happens. he won’t get any of that, and it makes me so sad to realize it. it’s hard being away from the ones that you love. not being able to call them up and say come over. not having them when my days get tough. but even when i told my parents this last night, my dad still made me smile… “that little girl in there is just as stubborn as you are”   {he’s SURE it’s a girl}

but even after all my tears, brian still can always make me “un” sad. when i think that i have my husband, and our child inside of me, and about the family that WE are creating i realize that i am not alone. and as much as i wish my family were closer i know that they will always be there for us when we need it. they are never more than a step behind. and i understand just how much i’m going to love my own little family… no, how much i already do.

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