gratitude

today i was on my morning run down by the water and my frustration was at an all time high. so far my work out regimes have been going really well. i have been able to maintain a good bit of running stamina and i usually do about 3 miles intermixing walking & running. the doctor’s have been pretty vague with heart rate & work out capacities while pregnant & basically say “listen to your body” as if my body has an internal voice. but i have continued to “listen” & track my heartbeat for good measure when i am working out. today however my heart rate kept sky rocketing when i would run. every time i would go a quarter mile it will shoot up & my monitor would start beeping. now for those of you who really know me (extended version) i have major body issues, this pregnancy has really made me paranoid that i am going to blow up like a balloon & therefore be unattractive to my husband & to myself… so these workouts have helped me maintain my sanity. but today i just felt so defeated. & yes i realize that this is something completely irrational & crazy & i am pregnant and my body is going to start slowing down, but i guess today was the first day it really hit me. and, yes i am already a bit of an emotional person (that might be the understatement of the year) so as i was finishing my workout walking i started to text brian to tell him how upset i was, when i noticed these two little butterflies in my path. i almost walked right past them in my little huff & puff but then i decided to take a closer look. there was one butterfly that seemed to be injured & was laying on it’s side, & the other butterfly looked to be standing guard. i thought how often are there two beautiful butterflies so close?  i am going to take a picture of them, so i crept closer & closer & closer, & they didn’t budge. as i was now right on top of them i realized that this standing butterfly WAS in fact keeping guard over the other one, he was protecting it, and he wasn’t going anywhere no matter how close i got, or how scared he must have been of my approaching giant body. he wasn’t leaving the injured one.  it was tragically beautiful. i wished i could save them there, on the open side walk. and i wondered are they family? are they friends? can even the most simple of human nature really be shown through two butterflies? the need to feel loved & protected. & so i sent the picture to brian afterward and i said, i feel better. because i know in my heart that no matter what happens, good or bad, or even if i blow up to be the size of the good year blimp, my husband will be there for me. he will protect me and he will stand with me when i need him. just as he always has.  it was exactly what i needed at exactly the right time. a reminder that no matter what frustrations come your way, someone else is always facing a greater battle. be grateful for your life {i am grateful for this life within me} & be grateful for those within it who are always by your side.

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