today, finally, i felt you. i was sitting in church and Javier was reading a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes and then… there you were. a little jab jab jab. i had just finished saying to jackie how i really wished i could feel you more so i knew that everything was ok. a little nudge to be like “mom i’m fine” and it was as if you could hear me. i like to think that you can & did – & wanted to reassure me. thank you baby. i am constantly a worrier it is just in my blood – your grandma is the exact same way. i try to be better about it and “let go and let God” like i know i should but not being in control has always been hard for me. but feeling your jab, and looking down at my belly, while sitting in a pew in church today made me realize i am very much out of control in this situation. i am a vessel. and i am at His mercy for this gift. i am however responsible, for your little life within mine but i am very much on a path that has already been laid out. there are big plans for you baby, plans beyond my wildest imagination or dreams. and i know no amount of worry can change the path that is before you. i hope that i can be a guide, and a good vessel to take you all the places that you want to go. and i pray for your safety. but i know that you are in God’s hands & you are his child as much as mine. what can there be to fear in that? so i laid my hands upon my belly and i smiled. i smiled thinking of your little arms and your little feet and your little face that i can not wait to see. i smiled b/c of the reminder you are there, and you are okay and we both have nothing to fear. so jab away little baby. your daddy wants to feel you too. we are sitting here tonight, hoping you do it again, your dad on edge to jump over and lay his hands upon my belly. i cant ‘wait for this. to see his face when he feels you for the first time. & see him light up that his child is okay and playing… like a rock’em sock’em robot.